Waycross...

Well, it is final. I am now officially moved into my new apartment, have my wireless internet hooked up (thank God), and have completed my first two days at Trinity UMC. It has been an incredibly emotional weekend leading up to this point. I have had an epiphany concerning these emotions, though. When I moved from Tallahassee to Vancouver after graduation, I had no emotions other than excitement and a sense of freedom, but when I arrived there I knew it was the wrong decision. That is old news, but I bring it up for this reason- I have had a great emotional reaction to leaving Tallahassee...this time. I have thought about this long and hard for the last two days, and I have come to the conclusion that I have had such a connection to those I love in Tallahassee, and when leaving for Vancouver there may have been an underlying doubt that it would be actualized. This time, however, I believe this is where I am supposed to be, and it is hard to swallow because I miss everyone so much. Tallahassee and everyone I met there have meant so much to me and my life. Those of you who invested in me will always be remembered as my best of friends- family. Mikey, Barf, Mastron, Deana, C-line, Stratty Cakes, Steph, Morrisey, Dia, Kuryne, and Jerad I thank you for your love and your friendship. You have been the foundation of all I have longed to be. You are who I want to be like. I love you all, and I pray that you will please keep me in your prayers as I venture into what I feel God is leading me toward with Student Ministry. Though you may not agree with my choice (I don't really know if any of you disagree with my choice to be here or not) I would hope that you trust my discernment and that you would please continue supporting me. I trust you will. Please know that I MISS YOU all!

Intercession in Community...

This morning while reading back through my journal that write in while I study I came across a note that I made for myself concerning intercessional prayer. As I read that note from me to me, I realized that intercession seems of dire importance to the develoment of community. It may strike you as a "duh" moment, but it strikes me in a way I have never felt before. Intercession is selfless prayer. Prayer for others' needs. What is more necessary for a group of Christ-followers to develop community than intercession through the Holy Spirit? The passage speaks of inercessory prayer for rulers and authorities, but I believe the principle applies to all who claim the desire to be in communion with God and his own. The scripture reads,

"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-for kings and all
those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, pleases God
our savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." (1 Tim. 2 vs. 1-4)

I find that Paul is instructing Timothy that intercession is an "ingredient" of a life given to God. I know that language sounds dangerously legalistic, but hear me. I am not saying that intercession is a way to closeness and authentic life with God, but more of an outpouring of the love that we have been shown. Community is developed when those residing with one another in Christ desire to live the life we believe scripture has called us to. A life of giving of ourselves, and unconditional love. Is not intercession, praying for others' needs before your own, an example of this? While I think on this I am sadly convicted that I am incredibly self-focused in prayer. I even have difficulty praising God when I pray. I jump almost directly into my own concerns and petitioning God as a veritable lobbyist for my own desires and interests. This may be common sense for all of you, but I am thankful that this morning I have come to grasp this more clearly. Michael I think our conversation and listening to you about your life, as well as sharing about my own, has also played a part in this. We need to pray for one another!
The passage goes on to speak of Christ being our mediator. This is important because he is concerned with what we are praying for. The one who prayed for the "cup to be passed" from him is the same who interceded for us eternally. What an example! So, I am now pressing toward a life that is concerned with other's needs as well as my own. That being said, if you have any prayer concerns that you would like to share with a friend, just email me. I would love to pray with you.
Hopefully this entry has not struck you as a sermon, but a true expression of what I feel is an eventful revelation. I am amazed daily that there are so many things left to be learned from everything surrounding us, especially our great God. God may you lead us toward truth in everything we pursue!

The Rain

Today Tallahassee is drenched in the well-needed rains of a set in weather front. The morning has been fantastically London-like and I have reveled in it. The rain does, however, bring about that ever-present, yet hidden, tinge of self-reflection that shows itself in the reflections of puddles and the ripplings that shatter those images. I have been incredibly pensive this morning ruminating over decisions needing to be made, memories, and desires.

Michael, I miss you. I wish you were here so that I might speak with you about all of this. I sympathize with you lately. Even though I am not alone in a huge city I am feeling alone here in Tally. I am tired of everyone's questions about life- what "I'm up to now", and her. I feel your pain. I must say the difference is that instead of being alone there are too many people who want to know what's happening, and in a sea of concern rarely does anyone seem sincere. So, if you read this we must speak. Phone tag is no longer a fun game ;)

God is good, though. I can't truly say I have any real complaints. I am learning about, well, more like journeying toward, a dependency on Him. I have been praying for brokenness and humility in my plans for my life. I have come to realize that if I have a desire to serve Christ then I need to be living in him. I haven't been so strong in that area for a while now. Disciplines that I used to shrug off as piety are now showing themselves to be necessary. I mean I know it sounds elementary, but I need to be in the Word everyday. I need to be in prayer. It seems so "duh-ish" right? Well, being a leader for so long, and, honestly, cynical for so long I have gotten to where I didn't see it as authentic, but now I see it differently. I want to read! I want to pray! I just suck at both, so now I begin to tread this path toward developing real disciplines. I think they are considered disciplines for a reason. I don't want empty motions. I long for relationship and these disciplines as a form of investment.

God be praised for your unconditional love. And a love that extends to all peoples, humbling us out of our ethnocentricities! May we love as you love! May we serve as loving vessels!

Where the path is...

I think everyone I have ever met has a story about extreme change in their lives. Even more details arise when they stop to think about how that change effected their direction etc. They may say, "Oh yeah, my decision was so wrong, but when I realized that I had made a mistake I knew that things had to change, and that's when I..." and the like. Personally, I feel that I have had my fair share of extreme change, mistake making etc., but life has seasons and now, well, I am entering into the next season of change. I am not sure as of yet where this path I am on is heading, but I am not worried. That is the strangest change. Me not worried? I can scarcely believe it myself. I mean, of course I have my moments when I try to over-analyze what I need to be doing or planning. Overall, though, I am content in knowing that I am seeking God's will for my life for the first time in a while, and I am loving every unknown minute of it!

This past Wednesday I had an interview for a youth ministry position in Waycross, GA. It was incredible! I had such a great time meeting with the leaders of that church and even some of their young people. Regardless of whether or not God leads me there, I am so incredibly grateful that my first interview scenario was that amazing! I am humbled by their hearts and what they are seeking to do for their students and surrounding community. The only bad part about it was that the one person I wanted to talk to about it wasn't there. I had not felt the full force of everything that has happened between us until that evening while driving back to my parents. I missed her. I still do, but I am proud of what she is longing to be-who God is calling her to be. I just wish I could have shared all of this with her at that moment. Even now I want to speak to her, hear her perspective on it, but I know it may not be wise for either of us right now. Changes can be extremely difficult, yet necessary. Painful, yet healing at the same time. There is a dichotomy there that only points to the clarity that I know my God has on the subject. He is awe-inspiring!

I guess change always exists on the horizon threatening to shatter what we think we have under control. It is in these times though, that I feel we truly have the opportunity to seek God. If we are able to worship him through difficulty isn't that a great thing? I like to think so. I hope so!

Wherever this path leads and whatever change may come, I pray, God, that you are the guide. That yours is the voice I listen for! I thank you for your unending love that exists wherever you guide us. May you be praised!

The Virb...not an action, but a new era...

Ok ok. I know my title was lame, but I just wanted to write this entry to point you to my new virb site. Check it out when you get a chance. i deleted my myspace account because of the clutter-less pages and customization that Virb allows the user to play with. No video-wallpapered home pages either! I must I am sick of the lollpop-licking ho bags that decorate my homepage on myspace for True's viedo ads. Thank God that is in the past!

Sexy on the inside...

I have recently begun reading Rob Bell's sophomore publication, Sex God. I am only to the second chapter, yet I am challenged by his subject matter. Within the introduction and the first chapters he has aligned his argument under the banner that we are all the creation of God and made in his image. He has made us with a sense of sexuality and that sexuality permeates our being, our soul. In the first chapter he proposes an idea that should be so basic to everyday living (but isn't), that of if we consider Man as God's creation and treat a fellow Man poorly then we are, in essence, disrespecting His Creator.

Bell argues that it is obvious in how you treat someone's creation what you feel for that . If you crush their gifts or talents in your hands then you obviously do not value their gifts, their person. I was greatly challenged by such an obvious fault of my own. My prayer through this time of preparation and reflection known as Lent is that through the remainder I will focus on worshipping God by valuing his creation, most importantly his image bearers- you and I. I realize how I disvalue others based upon their appearance, their attitudes, their financial dispositions, or even their known social standings. I am not their judge. I am their friend, by birth rite we are connected. You and I are connected through His faith and love in us. So, I apologize to those of you whom I have offended with my bitterness, my ill attitude, and my judgement. You are an example of the maker to me. You are a miracle in and of yourself. Our existence is a gift, and I intend to use my gift to make your gift that much more meaningful, that much more special. Please pray for me as I step toward that goal- A goal of being true to my fellow man, and truer still to our creator!

::RJ

cold weather...

I wrote a song once ( well let's be honest...it is the only song I have ever truly completed) and one line reads "cold weather always brings bad memories back, chilling me straight to the bone." When I wrote the song I had recently broken up with a girlfriend that I felt I had led astray in many ways, and any memory of said relationship-downfalls brought with it great discomfort and guilt. I am happy to say that today I feel totally redeemed. That is not to say that I no longer have the discomforting memories of that past relationship, but I realize I am forgiven, and now...I have finally forgiven myself. Much has changed in the 5-6 years since that relationship, and I can attest that I am a better person because of the mistakes I made with her. I now know that women are indeed NOT objects, yet beautiful creations of God, they are human...like me (meaning they make mistakes as well as me), and they are not as complex as one would think. I know, I know, every guy reading this is rolling their eyes in disgust shouting "WHATEVER!", but it is true. They are no more complex than me or any other guy, just different beings who perceive situations differently from men (as every person does from each other, we are all unique after all). none of this is to say that I have women figured out, I just realize that they are not so horrificly complex as I had thought. All of this to say that my mistakes have truly made me grow. I find that comforting. I am finally myself. I am still in-process, but I recognize who I am- who I want to be. Now the puzzle lies in how I make my way toward the person I feel I am to be. What is the next step? My boss said to me the other day, "I'm in my forties and I'm still growing, of course I expect you to be growing as well." That was a nice moment of encouragement. I took from that coversation that he is still vexed, and often, and that makes me feel like a person. I am not alone. We are all growing. We are all searching. We are all just ourselves...memories and all.